Monday, November 5, 2012

One of the worst things that can happen to a human being

Joachim De Posada

By Joachim De Posada

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One of the worst things that can happen to a human being.

I was part of a panel on Arrebatados, a television show carried by America TeVe channel 41 in Miami and 24 in Puerto Rico.

The theme of the program related to what kind of punishment should a parent who forgets a baby in the car and dies should be given.

I knew and expected the panel to be in disagreement in regards to what should be done but the intensity and emotionality of the argument really surprised me.

The case I discussed during the program was about a Peruvian non US citizen living in Florida, named Antonio  Balta who got a 20 year prison term for forgetting his 9 month old daughter, Veronika, in his car and she died.

Some background so that you can better understand the situation.

One horrible morning, Antonio dropped off his girlfriend, Michelle, at the Gulfstream Park Racetrack in Hallandale Beach, Florida, where she worked as a waitress and a horse groomer.  The couple planned to drive north as soon as she finished her shift. Antonio, her 28 year old boyfriend, told Michelle not to worry; he would take care of all the last minute errands. AS she got out of his car, she kissed him and her 9 month old daughter Veronika goodbye.

Once alone with Veronika, Antonio checked off his pre travel chores such as having the car washed, saying good bye to his landlord, loading their belongings in the car and going to a gas station to fill the tank and buy a bag of Fritos and a Starbucks cup of coffee.

When he returned to the Gulfstream parking lot around 1pm, March 13, 2004 to be exact, it was 65 degrees, cool enough for some Gulf stream’s customers to wear light jackets.

He checked with Michelle and told her that everything was ready and that when she got out of work they would head north.

She asked him what he planned to do until then and he said he had to talk to his boss for a minute to make sure that his transfer to Saratoga Race Track up north would go smoothly.

Here is an interesting piece of information: She warned him not to leave the baby in the car alone.

Antonio had taken his daughter inside the track a couple times before and the loud, flashing slot machines and the bunch of people gathered there had made her cry.

So, mistake number one, he cracked the front window a little to give the baby some air and didn’t roll down the window too much because he didn’t want someone to kidnap the baby. He left the child alone and went inside the race track to look for his boss.

Bad luck I guess, because that was the day of the Florida Derby, the track’s busiest day of the year and his boss, a horse trainer didn’t have the time to see him.

Now, an important thing he did: He went back to the car to check on the little baby. He looked through the window and saw her playing happily with her favorite toy, a pink bunny with the words I love you across the chest. My dear readers, even as I write this, my eyes get watery for just thinking and writing about this. But I must continue to make the point in this article. Obviously, this proves that there was no intent on his part to harm the child.

He then made a mistake, he went back inside the track and this time he ran into some friends. As he told them that he was moving north, he placed a few bets, all under 10 bucks, all on long shot horses he had taken care of in the stables and thought they were good enough to win although few people thought so. He wanted to win some extra cash for the trip.

When the races were over, Antonio said good bye to his friends but they pleaded with him to hang out just a while longer. This was his biggest mistake. Surveillance tapes would later show he stayed there for around two hours.

When he stepped out, he felt warmer, rightly so, since the temperature had risen to 80 degrees. I imagine that at that precise moment a dreadful thought most have entered his mind because he ran to his car and found his little girl with her eyes closed, he thought sleeping but no, not sleeping, dead.

He has spent the last six years in a prison cell decorated with pictures of his little girl. Even though he knows he was guilty, he expected a lenient sentence when on the advice of his attorney, he pleaded guilty to aggravated manslaughter of a child. Instead he got 20 years, one of the longest, if not longest sentences in the whole country.

This horrible situation happens somewhere once a week from spring through fall. Children die this way more than 30 times a year. In more than 50% of cases, it is the parent who forgets the child in the car.

According to kidsandcars.org a Kansas based safety advocacy group, more than 450 children have died from hyperthermia in cars since the mid 1990’s when safety experts told parents to move car seats to the back, to avoid the dangers of an accident or the passenger side airbag harming the child.

I agree that Antonio has to be punished. But his worst punishment, one that I can’t even begin to comprehend is having killed your own child.

Sending him to prison 20 years, has taken him away from his other two children, I don’t know how close he was to them, but now he definitely is not close to them because he is locked up. And to keep him there, it will cost one million dollars to society, paid for tax payers. 

What has been gained with that punishment? Nothing. Just the punishment in itself.

How about if he was given maybe a couple of years in prison if at all, and ten years or even 20 years of probation where he reports once a week to a parole officer and he is given 1,000 hours of community work doing something to help other parents be more careful with their kids. Isn’t this a much more productive approach?

In Puerto Rico, I believe the maximum penalty for this crime is three years.  In Florida, after Antonio’s conviction, it was reviewed and is now 5 years. Antonio can’t appeal because he plead guilty to the charge.

Dr. Cynthia Galinaltis who left her 21 month old child in the car and died, was convicted recently on a charge of negligent homicide in Puerto Rico.

Arecibo Superior Judge Marta Maria Rosario sentenced her to serve one year and nine months on probation. She of course, could have faced three years in prison.

I agree with the sentence except for one thing. I believe that besides probation, she should have received 200 or 300 or 500 hundred hours of community service. A medical doctor by training, I am sure she could have prepared a lecture or a training program to help parents avoid this situation or at least create awareness in the public’s mind about how to avoid this horrible situation.

I was shocked how some people told me that a parent that does this should be electrocuted, sentenced to life in prison and some extremists even told me that the parent should be left inside the car, windows rolled up for the same time the child stayed in the car.

Even in the panel that participated in the television program, some thought he should get life in prison.

I hope that with this article, I raise some awareness on this situation and somehow help parents think about how important it is to take measures so that this can’t happen.

For example, buying a sensor that warns you if you leave the child inside the car, just like the sound that you hear when you leave your lights on by mistake.

Placing your briefcase or purse next to the child, talking to the child so that he or she doesn’t fall sleep or doing something that will help you remember that you have your child with you in the car.

You can do a lot to prevent this from happening. Please, do so.

 


Reach out, uplift and help someone else

Joachim De Posada

By Joachim De Posada

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Reach out, uplift and help someone else and you will help yourself

 

Years ago, a gentleman named Kevin Hall used to work for Franklin Quest, a company that later acquired Covey Leadership Centers and became Franklin Covey. I was a consultant to them for about ten years and still hold stock in the company.  Working there, I  got to know Stephen Covey who recently passed away, Kevin, many  great speakers and even some famous personalities such as Mikhail Sergeyevich Gorbachev and many others.  In Puerto Rico the operation was in charge of my dear friend Walter Santaliz and Tomas Morell who has recently retired and lives close to Orlando, Florida.

Those were good old days because we travelled to many countries teaching  seminars about subjects very dear to my heart such as leadership principles, techniques, goal setting, time management, and of course the famous seven habits of highly effective people.

Kevin used to tell a story that I just remembered when I sat with a group of speakers a few weeks ago about a trip he took to Vienna, Austria years ago.

He went into a store and the middle aged owner welcomed him with great energy and wonderful enthusiasm.  He had an Indian name, none of us remembered it, and introduced himself.

The gentleman then noticed a pin that Kevin wore of two hands clasped and commented on it. Kevin took it off and gave it to him so that he could take a closer look.

The shop owner asked what the two hands clasped together meant. He told him that it symbolized people’s responsibility to reach out, uplift one another, and lighten one another’s burdens.  He then rotated the hands and said that the hands looked equally positioned to help someone or to be helped.

Kevin mentioned that Emerson once said the symbolism of the two hands represented one of the marvelous compensations that life offers, because you can’t honestly try to help another human being without helping yourself.

The owner of the store gave him a big smile and said that people often receive what they desire for others.

Both of those interpretations are rather profound.

People helping each other and having thoughts about others and receiving what they wish for someone else.   

So, in essence, if you have negative thoughts about other people, those thoughts will invade your being and you will attract what you are wishing someone else to yourself,  becoming the victim of your own thoughts.  Interesting!

I know of so many people that are constantly complaining and wishing someone else all the harm and evil in the world and when you look at those people you realize how unhappy they are, how unfulfilled they seem to be.  They can’t let go of the past. They carry that hate within them and it eats their inner self.

I believe that constantly having bad or negative thoughts will come back to haunt you.

The character ethic is the real foundation of success, and it teaches that there are basic principles of effective or happy living and that people can only experience true success and long lasting happiness when they learn to integrate these principles into their basic character. In other words, the principles become part of the person; they are one and the same. You see the person and you immediately have a positive thought. If you are with someone you might say “John looks so good” or “he is such a great guy”, or” Mary is such a nice lady, she is always helping someone out”.

It is very important for our wellbeing to help ourselves and flush out those constant negative thoughts from our minds.

A sincere and constant effort has to be made to do this because it isn’t easy.  It might be a good exercise to do what I used to assign my students in my psychology class when I taught the course years ago.

I would tell them that during the weekend and until Tuesday when they had to return to class, they had to keep a diary and I wanted them to write down every negative thought that came to their minds. It didn’t matter if it was a negative thought about another person, about a loved one, about the world, their boss, and their companies or even against themselves. Anything negative had to be written down.

In order to insure compliance, I told them that the assignment was equivalent to a quiz and that it would count towards the final grade in the class.

When they came back on Tuesday most of them had pages of negative thoughts written down. They simply couldn’t believe that their minds were so cluttered with unproductive negative thoughts.

In fact this exercise was so powerful and it made such an impact on some of those students that several times I have ran into my students in airports, restaurants or even in a shopping center and they have told me that the exercise had totally changed their lives.

So, maybe it is time for you to keep track of your thoughts for a day or two and see how you are using that powerful brain of yours that if properly used could bring you everything you want in life or if not used correctly can bring you all the unhappiness and negativity that life can offer. 

The good thing is that we do have a choice.

 


Monday, September 24, 2012

Prisoner 119104

Joachim De Posada

By Joachim De Posada

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Prisoner 119104

 

A gentleman I admired tremendously named Viktor Frankl lived to the young age of 92. Out of all those years he was fortunate to live, three of them were spent in a German concentration camp. Those years were practically stolen by the Nazis and as you all know my dear readers, time lost can’t be recovered.

 

As bad as that fact is, those lost years have no comparison to what the Nazis took away from Viktor and destroyed: His wonderful bride and unborn child, she was a few months pregnant, his mother and father, his brother and the manuscript of a book he had practically devoted his whole life to writing and didn’t have a copy.

 

How could a man that suffered so much choose victory over defeat in the midst of so much sadness, suffering, heartbreak and unimaginable emotions?

How could he chose not to be subjugated by his captors, how to win instead of lose?

 

How come he didn’t lose faith in mankind and hate his captors after what they had done to his family and were doing to him?

 

The answer to those questions and others I had are in a book written some time ago by Viktor Frankl, which I read and loved and which by the way, he wrote in nine successive days after he was liberated. In other words, the manuscript stolen from him by the Nazis which took him years to write, he wrote, adding this prison experience in just nine consecutive days.

 

That book, I am sure some of you have read, is titled: “Man’s Search for Meaning”

In the book and what I want to share with you today, he writes:

 

“Everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms, to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way”.

 

That is a profound thought he shared with all of us.

 

Some people have lost their homes, their cars, their jobs in this recession, (depression if it hit you) that has practically affected the whole world including and severely Puerto Rico and the United States. 

 

The recession might have taken everything away from you and you might be reading this newspaper right now because you found it in a garbage can thrown away by someone that could afford to buy it, read it and throw it away.

 

You might have lost a lot and I sympathize with you my friend but compare it to what Viktor lost.

 

Is there a comparison?

 

I think it is safe to say that Viktor lost much more and he didn’t let his circumstances defeat him, he didn’t quit, he never gave up. He survived and not only survived but took notes on what was happening in the concentration camp in order to someday write a book about it.

 

In other words, he couldn’t die, he had to survive because he had to write that book to help us cope with circumstances that will definitely affect all of us sometime in our lives.

 

I wish that this article could be read by a dear friend named Richard who graduated from my High School, the Sacred Heart Academy in Santurce, same year than I did,  and who I was told was homeless asking for money in a red light somewhere in Rio Piedras.  Richard my friend, if Viktor Frankl did it, you can also. Reach out to me or to the dozens of your classmates that are still around and would surely give you a hand and some understanding.

 

I hope that anyone reading this article will learn such a valuable lesson Viktor Frankl taught all of us.

 

He endured humiliations even torture so that he could survive and he could send you this message, through my writing to you who I know are going through tough times.

 

Look for opportunities, reach out to family and friends, be creative and think on what you need to do in order to get out of the rut you are in today.

 

To those that are not going through tough times, lend a hand to someone that is.

Remember the ancient saying “He who holds a lantern to light the pathway of his brother sees more clearly his own”.

 

To finish this article, I remind you of the week that three important people in the world died a couple of days between them.

 

Lady Diana died on August 31, 1997. I remember well since I was in Europe on my honeymoon when it happened.

 

Viktor Frankl died on September 2nd, 1997.

 

Mother Theresa died on September 5, 1997.

 

Some of you might remember who received the most attention, worldwide: Lady Di.

 

Not that I want to take anything away from her but I do think that Mother Theresa and Viktor Frankl deserved at least as much, if not more, recognition than her.

 

Sometimes our values and priorities are not in the exact order they should be.