Are you an optimist or a pessimist?

Are you an optimist or a pessimist?

Famous psychologist Martin Seligman spent 25 years of his life studying optimists and pessimists. The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to believe that bad events will last a long time, will affect negatively everything they do, and are their own fault.

On the other hand, optimists who confront the same difficult problems we all do in this complex world we live in, think about misfortune in quite a different way. They tend to believe that defeat is just a temporary situation and that its causes are limited to that particular instance. The optimists believe that defeat is not their fault: Circumstances, bad breaks, bad luck or other people brought it about. Optimists are unfazed by defeat. Facing a bad or negative situation, they perceive it as a challenge, as an opportunity, and they actually try harder to overcome it.

These two habits of thinking, if we may call them habits, have profound consequences in life. There are many studies that show that pessimists give up more easily and get depressed or are unhappy more often than optimists. These studies also show that optimists do much better in academic life, at work or in sports. When an optimist runs for office, he or she is more apt to be elected than a pessimist. They enjoy better health, they get sick less often, age better, and are much freer than most of us from the usual physical problems of middle age, etc. There is some evidence that they even live longer.

Seligman developed the theory of personal control with its two principal concepts: learned helplessness and explanatory style.
Learned helplessness is the giving up reaction, the quitting response that follows from belief that whatever you do doesn’t matter. Explanatory style is the manner in which you habitually explain to yourself why events happen. It is the great modulator of learned helplessness. An optimistic style stops helplessness, whereas a pessimistic explanatory style increases helplessness. Your way of explaining events to yourself determines how helpless you can become, or how positive, when you encounter the everyday problems or setbacks we all face in life. A good way to think of your explanatory style is as Seligman tells us, “the word in your heart”. Let me explain.

Everyone carries a word in his or her heart, a “yes” or a “no”. You probably, if you really think about it, deep down in your heart, know which word you carry.

When we are thinking, we are actually talking to ourselves. You know intuitively which words you are constantly repeating to yourself. Think about it, are they negative words or positive words. When you get up in the morning, do you immediately complain about something or you get up with a positive attitude or outlook. You get to your office, do you face the situations that come up with a negative outlook or do you face them with a positive attitude. When people deal with you at the office, do they feel your positive energy or do they feel that you drain them of their own energy. You probably know the answer to these questions but if you don’t, how can you find out?
Well, there is an easy, straightforward way. Ask your co- workers; ask your boss or subordinates. They know. Everyone that deals with you day in and day out knows.

There are many personal qualities that are fixed and unchangeable. Basic pessimism is not one of them although it is not easy to change this mindset. You can learn a set of skills that can free you from the tyranny of pessimism and allow you to use optimism when you choose or think that it is beneficial to you. These skills are not easy but they can be mastered with a very strong desire to acquire them and lots of practice.

What is the first step an alcoholic needs to take in order to stop drinking? What is the first step a gambler needs to take in order to stop gambling? Accept that you are an alcoholic or a gambler. Period. Accept it and face it.

The first step you have to take is to recognize that you are a pessimist. Then talk to your loved ones or your co- workers and ask for their help in identifying situations where you are always a pessimist. Start a daily log and every time you catch yourself having pessimistic thoughts, write them down. At the end of the week, add up all your negative thoughts and set a goal for the following week. Shoot for 20% less negative thoughts. In five weeks you should be down to very few thoughts and you should notice a change in your life and in your interpersonal relationships. If you are unable to do this by yourself, seek help from a qualified psychotherapist. Believe me, it is worth the effort. You are making a lot of people around you, miserable.