Will you live or will you die? The ultimate decision

Will you live or will you die: the ultimate decision

Before I go into this week’s theme, I want to thank first my editors at
the Puerto Rico Daily Sun for allowing me to disclose the telephone of Jose
Toro ( I erroneously gave his last name as Torres) the taxi driver that called me
after I had given him a fifty dollar bill instead of a twenty. He text messaged me thanking me for the article
and telling me that he had numerous calls from San Juan as well as from other
towns in Puerto Rico.

My main objectives in writing about him and even giving out his number
was to first of all, reward exemplary behavior and second to demonstrate that
being honest is a behavior that will always pay in the long run.

If Jose had kept the thirty extra dollars, that would have been it,
thirty dollars richer, but by calling and telling me, now thousands of people in
Puerto Rico and in every other place where people read the articles through the
paper’s web site, can learn about him and use his services any time they need
it. Everyone wants to deal with people that can be trusted.

Ok, now let’s go into the subject matter of today’s article.

Day before yesterday I was notified that a man that I knew very well,
married to a relative of mine had committed suicide. This morning I went to the funeral home to see
him in a casket and observe his whole family, very sad, crying and wondering if
there is something that they could have done.

This gentleman, let’s call him Lawrence so as to protect his identity,
was a nice guy, very successful until the recession struck, with a very nice
family, a wife and two children from his first marriage and two from his second
one.

The youngest is a wonderful young lady seven months pregnant and a PhD
candidate graduating in a few months.

Lawrence will not be present when the child is born nor when she gets
her diploma, tainting what could have been two very proud moments in her life.
It just isn’t fair.

A few weeks ago he went to a store, purchased a gun, and hid it
somewhere in his office. When he thought
it was the right moment, I guess, his wife attending mass, he went inside his
office, turned on is computer, wrote a 3 page letter to his wife, hit print,
placed the gun in his right temple and pulled the trigger ending it all.

The youngest of his sons, that gave the eulogy, spoke about his dad and
said that those who knew him would understand that he always did things on his
own terms and that he went when he thought he had to go.

I am glad that his son, if he meant what he said, doesn’t see his
father’s action as an act of cowardice but as a brave decision. Even though it
must be very difficult to point a gun to your head and pull the trigger, it is
much more commendable to face hardship, fight for your loved ones and do the
best you can until nature takes its course.

Coincidentally, a colleague of mine and I had a coaching appointment
with a client and when I mentioned what happened, the client said, “What an act
of courage to be able to pull the trigger”.

Is it an act of courage to kill yourself or are you a coward not willing
to face your problems in life?

Lawrence was definitely a victim of this recession we are going through.
His business was losing money and he was resorting to what lots of people are
doing now a day’s which is to go into your credit cards in order to pay for
consumables and to pay other credit cards with that money. Taking from Paul to
pay Peter is a common expression used to describe this type of behavior.

He was at a point that he owed close to $50,000 only in his credit cards
plus other debts he had from his business, mortgage and personal expenses. He
also of course exhibited signs of depression that his immediate family was
beginning to notice.

Millions of persons are now going through a very hard time, not only in
Puerto Rico and the United States. Look at Spain, Greece, or Portugal. What
about Haiti and Japan having gone through horrible tragedies?

As the saying goes, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
There are ways, always, to solve problems. The only thing in life that doesn’t
have a solution is your eventual death and taxes although some people find the
loopholes and don’t pay much of it.

Let me tell you about a good friend of mine that called me today to tell
me that all overtime in his company had been eliminated. That means that with
his minimum pay and 90.00 a week in gas in order to drive to his job every day,
he simply doesn’t have enough to cover his expenses. Is he thinking of killing
himself? Of course not! You know what he is thinking about? He is going to ask
the company he works for to allow him to sleep in his car in the company’s
parking lot from Monday to Friday so as to save the money he has to spend in
gas. No, he can’t move closer to his job because where he lives now he pays a low
rent and besides he has no money to move. In fact, they cut his water this
morning because of non-payment and I had to loan him a hundred bucks to go and
pay it.

He of course, is always on the
lookout for a better job which eventually will come around and even though he
probably will never pay me back, I feel good that I helped a friend in a moment
of need.

Normal people face adversity and look for solutions; they don’t end
their lives because of circumstances that could change soon.

Let’s face it, suicide is a major public health problem in the United
States and in Puerto Rico. In the US, more than 32,000 persons die every year
or the equivalent of 80 suicides per day. In Puerto Rico I don’t have reliable
figures but I can tell you that neither the
US nor Puerto Rico are among the countries leading the world in this
horrible statistic. Suicide is a major world problem. Besides these 80
successful attempts in the US, there are 1,500 unsuccessful ones every day in
the 18 to 65 year age group.

Actually, suicide is the fourth leading cause of death in the United
States. Suicide occurs in persons of all ages and
backgrounds, but certain groups of people are at increased risk for suicide
attempts. Males are more likely than females to commit suicide, although,
attempts are more common among females. In other words, females try to do it
more often but they are not as successful as males in carrying it out. A family
history (genetic), altered levels of neurotransmitters in the brain, severe anxiety or depression, symptoms which
may include moderate alcohol abuse, insomnia, severe agitation, loss of
interest in activities they used to enjoy (anhedonia), hopelessness, and
persistent thoughts about the possibility of something bad happening are
usually the causes of suicide. Since
suicidal behaviors are often quite impulsive, removing guns, medications,
knives, and other instruments people often use to kill themselves from the
immediate environment can allow the individual time to think more clearly and
perhaps choose a more rational way of coping with their pain.

No matter how desperate your
situation is, look for help, tell your loved ones and friends what is going on
and you will receive help. You can even call 911 or suicide prevention numbers
and everyone will help.

Killing yourself will hurt your loved ones and
they don’t deserve that.