The Relentless pursuit for perfection

The
Relentless pursuit for perfection

It is part of human nature to look for or expect perfection.
When we board a plane we expect perfect performance by the pilot so that we
arrive in our destination.

If an airline has a 99% expectation of perfection, with
thousands of flights, that 1% would result in hundreds of planes crashing every
day. So, we expect perfection, we expect
that 100% of all flights will land safely.

If you need to be operated for any physical ailment or disease
you may have, you expect the surgeon to be perfect and that when you wake up
you will be able to resume your normal life.

When you are driving down Ponce de Leon Boulevard and you
have a green light at the corner of De Diego, you expect the driver coming from
De Diego to stop and allow you to cross the green light. You expect that from
every driver, so you expect perfection.

Today is a difficult day for me. One of my dearest friends
and business partner had one of the most if not the most negative experience
any human being can go through.

His only son, a 28 eight year young man decided to kill
himself with a gun right in front of his dear wife and him. It was his only son
because he lost his younger son five years ago to cancer, a battle that the
whole family bravely fought with all they had but that at the end lost to the
disease.

So, my dear friend, the same as all of us, expected
perfection, to lead a great life and see his children grow and prosper and
watch them have beautiful children that would become his grandchildren.

As soon as I was notified of this tragedy, I went to see my
friends, to offer my friendship, my psychological expertise, anything that I
could contribute to help them go through the most excruciating experience
anyone could go through.

What can you say at a moment like this?

The only thing that came to my mind and I offer it here as a
contribution to anyone that has lost a loved one, is to pour all your energy
into serving others.

I told my friend that he now had to elevate his son’s life
to another level. By serving other children or people in need, he would be
honoring his son because if that accident hadn’t happened, he would not be
helping them.

In other words, because of his son’s death, he could help
hundreds, maybe thousands of children or adults that would have never gotten
his help if his son’s passing hadn’t happened.

In about two hours I will be going to the funeral home and
tomorrow I will be attending mass and then will be with them at the burial.

I woke up this morning and decided that I was going to have
breakfast with a group of friends that get together every morning, artists,
engineers, architects, psychologists, lawyers, a great mix, expecting to for an
hour or two, think about something else and be forced to participate in
whatever discussion they cared to bring
forth.

I also spoke to my daughter and she told me that she would
join me there to have breakfast with me.

Those two moments would be perfect for me, now more than
ever.

For the first time in five years, when I get to the Bakery,
not one single friend was there. I had to order breakfast by myself, something
that I really wasn’t looking forward to.

About an hour later, seeing that my daughter hadn’t arrived,
I call her and she tells me that her 6 months old child didn’t want to sleep,
the two year old was acting up, and the dog pooped and she didn’t want her
mother in law to clean it since she was going to baby sit the children.

So, my daughter didn’t make it to breakfast either, I had to
stay by myself and then drive home to write this article. Perfection didn’t happen.

So, the point of this article, wait… my phone is ringing. I
answer.

It was my daughter and the first words out of her mouth were
“Dad, I am so excited”. She went on to tell me that her husband, a lawyer, had
been picked to participate in a new venture in his law firm.

So, the point of this article is that we can expect
perfection most of the time, we can expect people to respect red lights, we can
expect surgeons to do a great job, pilots to land their aircraft safely and on
time, and our children and grandchildren to lead happy and meaningful
lives.

But when it doesn’t happen, me must develop mechanisms to
cope with it, to handle it, to make the best of the situation.

No matter how tragic life can be, no matter how negative a
situation presents itself, there is always something that we human beings can
do in order to feel better and help others.

Wellbeing is composed of three elements: Positive emotions,
engagement and meaning.

Positive emotion is what we feel, pleasure, ecstasy, warmth
comfort etc. I felt a positive emotion
hearing that my son in law was going to be promoted.

Engagement is more about flow. Being one with nature, music,
time seems to stop; you lose self- consciousness during an absorbing activity. I
went to the bakery expecting to enter into a state of flow with my dear
friends.

The third element: Meaning

Most human beings want meaning and purpose in life. The
meaningful life consists in belonging to and serving something that you believe
is bigger and greater than the self. I write this article because it gives
meaning to my life. I know that I am impacting other people’s lives and I am
helping them with some of the lessons I have learned during my life. I belong
to Rotary because we are able to help others. I speak to non-profit
organizations for free because I am helping out the community.

Looking for meaning is the reason Warren Buffett or Bill
Gates and many others, after years of succeeding in business and making money
decide to donate their money to charity. They decide that they need to do
something for humanity that is much greater than a personal triumph or reaching
personal goals.

This is what my dear friend who now lost his only son must
focus on. He should embark in a quest much bigger than himself.