When the moral compass we all have, stops working

When the moral compass we all have stops working.

When young men or women are in their early stages of life, it is often said that the most important period is at the age where habits are formed. According to Freud, it is between your second and seventh year of life.

There is controversy with this theory, it might not even be true, but we can all agree that when your habits are formed, that is a very important period in your life.

Ah, but there might be an even more important period, and that is when the ideals of young people are formed and little by little adopted.   There might even be a correlation, as you form your ideals; you work on your habits in order to be in a better position to achieve your ideals.

No one is raised in a moral space or vacuum. Every mentally sound person is brought up Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Jew, Hindu, new age, free thinker or an atheist.  Everyone is told right out of the crib, to obey your parents, be a good boy or girl and don’t lie.

An amoral person is a moral person who for the time being disconnects his behavior from his values.

Each of us possesses a moral compass, some sort of GPS, also called a conscience.

This GPS was programmed by parents, grandparents, coaches, priests, pastors, coaches, friends and peers.

This compass is part of you and it will remain so for the rest of your life, guiding your behavior day by day.

When I was a young boy, my parents didn’t want me to smoke at the age of 12 and it was very clear that I wasn’t supposed to do so. Yet, with a group of friends, I went to the movies and one pulled out a cigarette pack and we each took one. It might have been peer pressure but I allowed that to happen and when he started to light each of the cigarettes, I didn’t object.

I smoked that one cigarette, well, didn’t actually smoked it, just blew out some smoke, but as I was doing it, I immediately realized I was disobeying my parents and I felt very guilty.

I made the decision to not ever smoke and I have never ever smoked cigarettes or for that matter anything else.  As I entered the University of Puerto Rico, there was strong peer pressure to smoke marijuana, snort cocaine and taste other recreational drugs and since I had been successful in resisting peer pressure when my friends started smoking, I was able to avoid the drug consuming behavior.   It helped that I played basketball and I was always training but a lot of my basketball teammates smoked cigarettes and everything else.

Certain types of behavior encourage a disconnect with our GPS or conscience.

Rationalizing blurs caution lights, arrogance dims boundaries, and a sense of desperation or time pressures overrides good sense.

Whatever is blinding you, the right wrong indicator light continues to flash continuously. We might not ask but the compass always tells.

We have to understand that today’s society tolerates too much questionable behavior, there is no doubt about that, and it makes it much harder for the younger generation to discern what is right or wrong.

Even so, does anyone accept stealing? No, it was wrong a hundred years ago and it is wrong today. Don’t students know that cheating in the exam is wrong? Of course they do.

Kids know what the right conduct is even if they don’t always admit it. Their moral compasses although still developing are in working order. They are too young to know that they can trade in their conscience for a higher rating in Standard and Poor’s.  By instinct they feel better when they are at peace with themselves.

Many, still too young, may not know who Sophocles was but they do understand his message: “There is no witness so terrible or no accuser so powerful as the conscience”.

In one elementary school years ago, I went into the classroom and the kids had come up with some rules that they thought would help them in school and later on in life. I was very amused but very impressed that they were thinking about what was right and what wasn’t right.

If memory serves me right, some of the rules were: Don’t open your classmate’s bag without his or her permission, always tell the truth no matter the consequences, do your homework, obey your teacher and when in doubt, ask the teacher.

For teachers that read this column, it would be a good idea for you to see what kinds of rules your students think are important in the classroom and then later on in life.

I once knew a very important member of society that was accused and convicted of having sex with a minor. I had the opportunity to speak to him before going to prison and asked him how in the world he allowed that to happen.

He said to me that when he saw the young lady for the first time and the idea came to his mind, he could have taken it out of his mind and that might have saved him. But he allowed the idea to stay in his mind. He saw her again and the wrong thoughts came to his mind and he allowed them to stay in his mind and started fantasizing even when the girl wasn’t present. That did him in. There was a point where he simply couldn’t control his thoughts and then couldn’t control his actions.

We have just been witness to a very sad situation with Senator Arango.  Even though in his resignation letter he said he was innocent, most people, if not everyone believes that it was him in those pictures. Assuming he was, one click of the camera and one click in the computer ruined his career and maybe even his life.

The same as the judge, when that idea first came to his mind, again, assuming he did it, he could have stopped it. He could have listened to his GPS and he could have altered his behavior. For whatever reason, he allowed it to happen.  No one is perfect and we all deviate from our moral compass once in a while but what is important is to get back in line and correct the direction we are going.

Oscar de la Hoya knew that an athlete is not supposed to drink, more so when in training for a fight. Yet, he allowed that to happen. He didn’t listen to his conscience and he took a sip here and a sip there until he had to drink all the time. He then went on to more dangerous drugs and his marriage and his whole life was in jeopardy. He went into treatment and according to him he is completely rehabilitated.

When I lived in Los Paseos, I once saw him in a Starbucks with a young lady I didn’t recognize. It wasn’t his wife Millie. I had my book in my hand and was walking towards him to give it to him but when I realized what was happening, I turned around. I didn’t want to embarrass him. It might have been a friend or a fan but since he has admitted to being unfaithful, I will never know.  I have great admiration for his wife for sticking with him in this very negative period of their lives.

He is a very good guy that simply allowed that one negative idea to stay in his mind and it went on to lead him down a dangerous path. I do hope he understands that alcoholism and drug addiction has no cure. He is not cured. He simply is in remission and if ten years from now, he takes a drink, he will become an alcoholic again. So, that one thought of having a drink, must be erased immediately from his mind. I have great admiration for Millie whom I met when she was hired by Celulares Telefonica to sing in an event at the Marriott hotel and since I had a consulting contract with them, I was invited.  I admire her for sticking with Oscar in the worst of times.

Thinking precedes action; you become what you think about. Don’t allow negative ideas to destroy you. Stop them immediately before they take over your mind and your life.