Charisma: Some people have it some don't

Joachim De Posada

By Joachim De Posada

Website • Follow Me on Twitter • Follow on Facebook

Charisma: Some people have it and some don’t

There is a very competitive presidential election going on in the United States and the hidden factor behind it is “charisma”.

Yes, we all know that President Obama inherited a rather dismal economic situation when he took office  but when the deficit rises to the level it is now, and many of his policies have not worked, it is definitely not a good sign of effective leadership. How long can a country continue spending 1.40 for every 1.00 it produces is not known exactly but it is known that it is unsustainable.

So, what does charisma have to do with this?

There is no doubt that President Obama is a rather charismatic individual and that will help him win the election. Mitt Romney is not perceived as “charismatic” and that is hurting him tremendously. Can he develop or be trained to increase his “charisma”? Time will tell. He definitely has to raise it in the Hispanic community, a voting block he needs to at least conquer 35 to 40% in order to have a chance to win. As of this writing, he is close to 25%.

One thing for sure: Whoever wins, I would certainly not want to be in his shoes. He will have a humongous situation to solve. But, getting back to charisma…

There are experts that say that “charisma” is something you have, you are born with, you either have it or you don’t.

There is however, a growing group of researchers that have taken the position that charisma is not something you have but something you earn and they offer some ideas on how it can be developed.

Those in management, part of a team or whose job entails convincing and persuading people, should pay close attention.

There is no doubt that you deal with some people that make you feel important, they instantly make you feel special, make you feel good.

You also know some people that when they walk into a room, the room lights up, the environment changes, you feel that something changed for the positive. In fact, as I am writing this, you are right now thinking of someone you know.

It is difficult to define, you just can’t pin point what it is but you do know they have it so we could say they are “naturally charismatic”.

I had a professor of social sciences in the University of Puerto Rico that when he walked in, the class immediately felt his positive presence. Some politicians such as my dear friend Sila Calderon have that charisma. Many say Pedro Roselló and Rubén Berríos have it too. Ronald Reagan definitely had it.  I had breakfast once with Margaret Thatcher when we both spoke at the same event some years ago and everyone at the table was glued to her every word. Lady Di, yes, she certainly had charisma written all over it, yet Charles, Prince of Wales has little or none.

All these people are very charismatic, no doubt about it.  

Unfortunately, natural charisma quickly loses its impact. Familiarity breeds, well, familiarity.

But some people never lose their charisma: They build and maintain wonderful relationships, consistently influence the people around them, persistently make people feel better about themselves--they're the kind of individuals everyone wants to be around, and wants to be with.

What determines the charisma of these people doesn’t have anything to do with nationality, religion, race or their accent, but how they behave, by what they do, their actions.

For example, charismatic people believe it or not, listen more than they talk. They pay attention to what you are saying, they ask good questions, they maintain eye contact, smile and nod, more emphasis on the non- verbal behavior rather than the verbal.

What is the effect of doing this?

They make the other person feel important and that is a crucial skill.

Learning point: When you do speak, don’t offer advice unless you asked to do so. Listening shows you care a lot more than offering your advice, because when you offer advice, you have shifted the conversation from them to you so it is now all about you, not about them.

Example: You say “Johnny, here is what I would do…”

Is that about you or the other person?

You got it.

A capital sin which takes away from charisma: Selective hearing.

Some people and I bet you know some of them, are so full of crap that they think they are above you. They really believe that you are inferior to them.  You can speak to them and sometimes you think they are listening but they are not. They have discounted what you say because you are not smart enough, intelligent or your position in the company is not as high up in the scale as their own.

Example: A janitor in a company tries to tell an executive that people are making comments about a particular situation that could affect the company and the executive thinks “who does this janitor think he is?” 

Fortunately charismatic people listen intently to everyone, and they make everyone, regardless of position, social status or "class," feel like they all have something in common with them.

Because they do: They are all people.

Charismatic people pay much more attention to giving than receiving.

They don’t think about what they can get, they think about what they can provide, what they can give. Giving is the quickest way to establish a good solid relationship, especially if you give without expecting anything in return.

 Charismatic people are not arrogant. People that are arrogant,(interestingly, arrogance comes from a strength, self-confidence) think they are impressing people when in reality they are putting them off. When people are in front of arrogant people, they feel irritated, put off and usually very uncomfortable.

And you know what? When they walk into a room, some people hate it, and others make fun of them. You can hear a whisper, “who in the heck does he think he is”?

Finally, charismatic people don’t criticize others behind their backs. Yes, we all like hearing a little gossip here and there, sometimes we secretly like hearing others gutter some dirt at people we don’t like.

The problem is that we don’t really like, and definitely don’t respect the people that criticize others behind their backs because we feel that they will do the same thing with us.

We also don’t like people that laugh at other people. When they do, people around them might think that they will someday laugh at them.  

Yes, very successful people are often perceived as charismatic simply because they are successful. Their success definitely creates a halo effect, like a glow, and often they dress impeccably.

The keyword here is: perceived.

You don’t have to be very successful to be very charismatic. Take off the shiny coat of arms, and you will find that many successful people have the charisma of a cockroach.

But you do have to be very genuine to be charismatic. Be humble, share your mistakes, admit when you do something wrong, and laugh at yourself.

While it is not a good idea to laugh at others, it is healthy to laugh at yourself.

They will like you a lot more and they will see your halo when you walk through that door.

Leader in Motion: How Choreographer Bill T. Jones Collaborate

Tweet