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| Joachim De Posada |
By Joachim De Posada
Website • Follow Me on Twitter • Follow on Facebook
The effect of negative words when you communicate
The art of communicating effectively is so
important not only in business but also in your personal life.
There are some words that provoke a negative
reaction just by hearing the word. When we hear those words in a conversation,
we stop paying attention, the communicator loses credibility and you probably
will discard everything else the person will try to communicate. These words
when our brain hears them, prompt us to react defensively and sometimes aggressively
by emotional people.
Studies have been conducted to identify some of
those “trigger words” that bring out immediate and negative reactions from
listeners.
As an example, the word “never” often elicits a bad
reaction. Let’s analyze it: Do you remember the last time you were involved in
a conversation either in business or in your personal life in which the word
“never” was used in a happy context?
You go to work every day as most people do, you
might arrive a few minutes late because of a traffic jam in Baldorioty de
Castro and your boss says, “you are “never” on time. When you hear this, your
brain will probably not elicit a rational and constructive word and the
possibility of a positive dialogue is eliminated. You will probably go on the
defensive, your adrenaline response will take over and you will try to bite
your boss somehow, either by telling him that it is not true, accusing him of
exaggerating or in some occasions waste your time in looking for situations
where your boss is late or screws up. Your concentration goes away from doing
good productive work to finding ways to screw the boss.
Let’s look at another word that most of the time
elicits a negative reaction and I know you will be surprised when you read it:
The word “always”.
If your boss, colleagues, family members constantly
told you that you are “always” so smart, that you “always” help people in need,
and you “always” are considerate and well educated, the word would certainly be
a very positive word.
But, in reality, the word is very often used in
negative ways. You are “always” complaining, you are “always” criticizing the
company, you are “always” late for meetings, you are “always” sending emails
with lots of mistakes or typos in it.
This word will then make you defensive and you will
respond with:” You are wrong, I only complain when there is a reason to
complain”, “no, I don’t criticize the company all the time, I only do it when there
is a reason to criticize it” and “my emails only have typos when I use the damn
I-Pad that self corrects and has a mind of its own”.
Think about it. Are there absolutes in life?
How about always being compassionate?
Most of the time yes, but sometimes it will hurt
the person. You are compassionate when you see a motorist stranded and you stop
to help the person. You get mugged and he takes your car. In this case being
compassionate was not a good thing, correct?
Let’s look at another one: Always be happy.
Do you think that always being happy is a good
thing?
Some of my most creative work I have developed when
I was very unhappy. That unhappiness made me react or act and do things that I
would have never done if I had been happy.
My point is words like “never” and “always” are
called “absolutes” and due to the fact that they have an emotional charge are
very intense and preclude diplomacy or subtlety, they are not the best words to
give feedback or start a constructive conversation.
A third word that could be very negative: “You”.
Yes, don’t be surprised. That word could really be very negative.
Let’s say you are giving feedback to an employee
who works for you and you use the word “you” in a menacing way.
“You have to stop being late” “You have to quit
doing that”, “you need to stop being individualistic and work in a team”. And,
if you use your index finger while using the word, it is a lot worse.
The word is so often used to attack and criticize
and when people hear the word it consciously or unconsciously elicits a
negative reaction when it is heard and it raises the levels of stress and
tension.
The most effective way to communicate is to use
better words, to use a style of communication known in the communications field
as “fact based communication” which uses words that are as objective as
possible, unemotional, timely and with a specific purpose which shouldn’t be to
put the other person down or hurt his or her feelings.
I hope that some politicians read this article.
Some are so aggressive and use words that are so inappropriate that the public
shuts them off and don’t even listen anymore.
Think about which words you use. There are many
more that elicit negative responses; I only used three in this article. Get
together with your coworkers or loved ones and find out which words you use
that they dislike.
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